When to Advise and When to Listen

There is no question that Molly is ready and rearing to go, blazing into adulthood and her future...despite that, there are times when the weight of the responsibility of growing up and being responsible for herself really can really make her second guess her plans and ability to see them through...I'm trying not to influence her decision, but give her whatever feedback she's looking for to validate what she's feeling.

Fortunately, she has options available to her. She spoke of feeling overwhelmed today thinking about heading to college...to be honest, I think I'd have more concern if she DIDN'T express concerns for being able to handle it successfully. She spoke about discussions in class about the percentage of freshmen who don't make it. Couple that with the fact she's taken some credit hours now and has a better expectation of what is to come, and I'm very hopeful she'll be wise enough to make the right kind of decisions.

At dinner tonight we talked to her about the simple basics of college that can make or break you, and it's all determined by what she choses to do. We explained that just going to class is a biggie, and a major factor in whether kids succeed or fail. And going to class is entirely up to her and the choices she makes. We let her know she can stay here at home for a semester or more, or she can start classes somewhere other than KU. It has to be about what works for her. If she gets frustrated or overwhelmed too quickly in the experience, she may not want to see it through. She's smart enough to know without a college education behind her she's going to have a tough future. We have to be smart enough to help make that happen for her.

When we went to KU Med yesterday to start with Terry's appointments, I saw nurses walking around the hospital and kept thinking to myself in just a couple of years she can be one of them...it was such a powerful realization that I was surprised at how I felt. Becoming a nurse is something Molly and I have talked about for a while. She is literally but months away from making that goal and dream a reality. I wish I could slow down the clock to make it all last a little longer, but know I can't. All I can do now is hope all we've done is what should have been done...too late now if it's not.

It's Alright to Cry, Isn't It?

Because we're coming into that home stretch with Molly in her final semester at school, the distinctions between what she's experiencing, and what I'm experiencing as she spreads her wings to fly become more apparent...she jokingly asks me if I'm going to cry at her graduation, and it's hard not to choke up answering the question now.

It's hard to know what my emotional soup is composed of these days...in no small way, the thought of Molly being on her own in the world is the primary driver of my emotional status. I trust her choices and her actions, but the rest of the world is the problem...and she is chomping at the bit to join that world...

I also recognize that because Josh chose to forgo the bulk of his high school career, I am living those parental experiences for both of them through her...I so enjoyed being involved at prom last year with her, and the preparation for graduation and the transition to college has been fun to be a part of and experience. I know it's rapidly coming to an end, and before long she'll be gone...

I acknowledge that any tears are for me...for the loss I know I'll initially feel when she's gone, even though I know she's only making the change to the next step in our relationship and her life....it's inevitable, and I've known it's coming, but I'm still not ready....I know at some point I'll have to quit thinking of her as my baby...but not quite yet. For the next four months, she doesn't get to be grown up...not just yet

The Proof is in the Pudding

When you really love someone and want to see the best in them, it's easy to see what it is you want to see, and not necessarily what is there and real...Molly's plans for nursing began with a small seed I helped to plant for her...based on previous aptitude tests she took, she is well suited for the medical field....she is an empathetic and compassionate soul, and there is no doubt that a bachelor's degree in nursing is the cornerstone for Molly having a spectacular life...it's a profession she can make as little or as much of as she'd like to...

So when I hear of the massive devastation in Haiti, and I think I wish I had a had a skill to help alleviate the suffering, I think to myself that someday Molly will be in a position to help....but then I begin to wonder if this is my dream for her, or what she really wants to do....she comes home from school telling me they've been discussing the earthquake and the effects being felt, and that she wishes she was already an RN so she could go and help....then I realize she is this incredible creature who keeps becoming the person I knew she was going to be....wanting to be a person who makes a positive impact in this world...as a parent, there is NOTHING more than that I would want her to aspire to in her life...to want to help others and make a difference is the greatest use of a life I can imagine...and what would this world be if all were like her?

The proof is there...she is special...and I never doubted it....

Mom as Cheerleader

If I've ever wondered about my role as cheerleader, some news from last year's testing came in the mail....as Molly's gone through school, Terry and I have provided a nice balance for assistance with her classes...he excels in the sciences and math, and I can help with everything else...

Writing, however, she has always tried to maintain is her weakness....she automatically balks at the writing assignments and tells herself she cannot do it....I spend much of the writing assignment doing the rah rah to keep her working...well... the results came in yesterday that she had scored in the "exemplary" range in last year's state writing skills assessment....she didn't just do well, she scored in the highest range there was....I told her if she only believed herself what I believed about her capabilities she would have a much easier time of it...the hardest critic of Molly is Molly, and the most pressure comes from her...it's a challenge sometimes keeping her focused so she doesn't give up on it before she starts...

And THAT is one of my concerns as she prepares for college....I know the support I provide to her in encouraging and supporting her and what she needs to do...I worry about the negative pressure she'll put on herself when she's on her own and feeling the stress...I don't want her talking herself out of the game from the get go...she will have an incredible life if she can achieve her goals, and she can achieve her goals if she realizes she can do it....

The rah rah goes on....

Walking the Line

My time as a day to day mom is quickly coming to an end...I'm not sure what I'll do...I've been a mom longer than anything else I've done in my adult life, and that includes being married....I was so young when Josh was born, and in many ways, we grew up together...his dad was gone a lot and he was always a kid who was older than his years....

With Molly, it's been an opportunity to put into action what I learned with Josh...different kids, with different needs, and they couldn't have been more different....but a girl was the opposite of what I'd experienced so far as a mom, and I wanted to be able to share with her all the insight and wisdom in life I wish I'd had when I was younger...I see the person she's become, and hope that I've had a hand in that by giving her the tools to be successful and self confident....

So we begin our last semester with her at home before heading off to college, and I find myself on shifting sand on a daily basis...she's amused by my self acknowledged sentimentality and knows I'll be a weepy emotional mess by the time graduation arrives, but she has no concept of how hard it hits me on an increasingly regular basis....

Part of me is so excited for her because I know the life she has ahead of her will be so special, just as she is...that part of my emotional roller coaster is good...then the reality of knowing she'll be out in the world where there are people whose motives and actions are less than honorable, and all that gets thrown to the side...all I can think about at those times is how I can keep her at home when she goes to college so I know where she is each and every night, and I know that's for me, not for her....so I walk the line, trying to find the balance between holding on and letting go...knowing the holding on is for me, and the letting go is for her....

While we keep going about our daily lives, I try to be mindful of the experiences that will bring smiles to me later when I think of them...times like the past couple of days, painting her room, again, and singing along to TLC or Foreigner....those times are my validation that as I loosen my hold as mom, I can keep holding on as a friend...I'll take whatever I can get to keep her close to me as she continues to grow up and away from home....