It's All Good

I sometimes worry that Molly's expectations for herself are too high. It's not that I think that high expectations are a bad thing, but I am concerned about the self imposed pressure Molly puts on herself, as a result. And it's because it is self imposed is why II get concerned. She doesn't always recognize and accept that her stress and worry is unnecessary.

She had a Forensics meet yesterday and participated in the Extemporaneous field. It is very difficult to do well in that event because you don't know ahead of time what the question to answer will be, so it's extremely hard to be practiced and prepared. If she consumes information from various sources on various topics she'll be well informed enough to do well. But it's not like having a prepared piece that can be committed to memory and well rehearsed beforehand.

Shouldn't the fact that she medaled in an event that is difficult be enough for her, even if it wasn't a first, second, or third place finish? I worry that pressure to excel, even in the face of doing good work, will cause her to become discouraged and potentially lose interest in activities she thinks she should ace. I want her to do as well as she can, but I also want her to realize that sometimes her best will not be as good as someone else's best. That doesn't mean she shouldn't try or shouldn't participate, but I know she doesn't want to fail.

I know that when she gets older she will look back on these trials and tribulations and wonder why she let herself get so torqued. But it's easy to look back and know how things really were. It's more difficult, but infinitely more rewarding, when you can recognize what's happening at the time. And that's going to have to come with time....and experience.

Rolling With New Wheels!

Molly took another step today towards adulthood...she's in debt!! We found a car for her that has payments, and when soccer and graduation are over, she'll assume those payments when she starts working. It's nothing extravagant, but compared to the car she was driving that was at least at old as she was (both from the year 1991; but Molly arrived in December and so is probably the younger of the two!), it's a dream....

It was an incredible life lesson for her to see how the whole process works, and why buying a new car is so much more than just the price on the sticker. I'm hopeful it encourages her to watch her spending in the future and motivates her to want to take really good care of it. Had she memorized her Social Security Number as she's been told she should, her name could have gone on the title as well, and that would have been a good start on building credit in her own name.

She has had control of a debit card to an account I have online access to and can monitor for a couple of years now. Earlier, when learning how to manage the card responsibly, she managed to exceed her funds, and was charged an overdraft or two...for the same day, which added up and got her attention. I've tried to give her exposure to different experiences so she has a better idea of how to be a fiscally responsible adult. She told us last night she would prefer to take a year at the community college for some more core classes she's required to have, and part of the incentive for that decision is cost. I like what I hear her reasoning out in coming to her decisions, and feel confident she's going to be an accountable adult where her money is concerned.

I certainly hope she will be, anyway!! I'd like to think my days of financial responsibility for her are numbered. Conservatively spending money from her college fund is a great way to validate I'm on my way to that!!

Sleepless Nights...Again

So we've hit the point where Molly is both a senior and 18. Dangerous territory for parents...I still must call the school if she has a doctor's appointment or will be absent, but she could legally join the military or get married if she chose, and I'd have nothing to say about it. Dangerous territory...wanting to be adult and grown up, but not always possessing the life experiences to make all of the right decisions, all of the time. Obviously, being all grown up does not guarantee making all of the right decisions all of the time, but it does increase the odds...

The challenge we keep encountering is her need for independence and my need to know she's safe. I trust her judgment and know she is capable of doing the right thing. But when you live in the country, and you know there are animals on the road at night, it's a safety concern for me as her mom. The raccoons and possums that come out at night are bad enough, but the deer can cause major accidents that increase the odds of injury. Or worse. While on an intellectual level I'm sure she does know I just want her safe, on an emotional level I can't help but think she feels I'm trying to control her.

When she's late coming home, the porch light is left on, which I can see from the bedroom. When she comes home, she turns it off, and then I'm able to tell she's made it home safely. It's just hard to make her understand how difficult it is for me to sleep knowing she's not home. It's not that she wants to stay out late that bothers me; it's not knowing when she'll leave town to head home that keeps me restless and sleepless. I try to sleep but find myself sitting up to check for the light.

I wonder if it will be easier when she's not here anymore, and I don't have to know when she's home or not. I'm not altogether sure that brings me much comfort, though. I know the day is coming when whether she stays or goes, and where she stays of goes will be her choice. I'll have my nights for sleeping back, but I'm not looking forward to it. For these last few precious months I'll try to remember that if I'm not sleeping well checking to see if the light's off, it means she's still here at home. I'll try to forget that sooner than I wish that light won't be left on anymore.