The challenge we keep encountering is her need for independence and my need to know she's safe. I trust her judgment and know she is capable of doing the right thing. But when you live in the country, and you know there are animals on the road at night, it's a safety concern for me as her mom. The raccoons and possums that come out at night are bad enough, but the deer can cause major accidents that increase the odds of injury. Or worse. While on an intellectual level I'm sure she does know I just want her safe, on an emotional level I can't help but think she feels I'm trying to control her.
When she's late coming home, the porch light is left on, which I can see from the bedroom. When she comes home, she turns it off, and then I'm able to tell she's made it home safely. It's just hard to make her understand how difficult it is for me to sleep knowing she's not home. It's not that she wants to stay out late that bothers me; it's not knowing when she'll leave town to head home that keeps me restless and sleepless. I try to sleep but find myself sitting up to check for the light.
I wonder if it will be easier when she's not here anymore, and I don't have to know when she's home or not. I'm not altogether sure that brings me much comfort, though. I know the day is coming when whether she stays or goes, and where she stays of goes will be her choice. I'll have my nights for sleeping back, but I'm not looking forward to it. For these last few precious months I'll try to remember that if I'm not sleeping well checking to see if the light's off, it means she's still here at home. I'll try to forget that sooner than I wish that light won't be left on anymore.
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