Time For Slack

I've struggled all day and know why.  Last night was the awards presentation for seniors.  I went knowing Molly wasn't going to receive anything, because two days before I realized we hadn't applied for anything.  And by "we" I mean Molly, but know I should have been on top of this to keep reminding her to get it done.


And while I fully accept that it is Molly's responsible to get this all done, it's my responsibility as her mom to make sure she does get it all done.  I've been so preoccupied and focused on Terry and his health that I let those deadlines get past me.  While it's somewhat naive of me, I've tried very hard to make sure Molly's life has not been upended as she finishes high school.  Life is tough enough these days, and knowing what's going on with her dad adds to what I'm afraid is becoming a heavy mental load.  I've tried to keep her world as calm as I can, even when it puts additional stress on me to make that happen.  Last night revealed my inability to keep it all together.


I really felt I had let her down by not having her recognized for her efforts.  She may not have had the grades some of her peers did, but hands down she has been a person of worth who has been reliable and dependable with her commitments.  As someone who has served on numerous boards and committees, that is no inconsequential consideration.  I must admit I was very proud of her for going, even though she knew she wouldn't be awarded any scholarships.  To be there to support her friends shows the kind of person she is, and that kind of person is who I'm glad my daughter chooses to be.  


It was a valuable example to me that I cannot do it all, and I need to cut myself some slack.  If I can accept that everything that's going on is too much for Molly, then I need to be as mindful of my own potential to crash and burn.  If Molly crashes and burns I can help pick up the pieces.  If I crash and burn we all suffer.  It's just that simple.


So today, I am disappointed in myself for letting Molly down.  I know tomorrow will be another day, and a better day, and I can try all over again to things to the best of my ability.  It's all I can ask of myself right now.  It should be enough...